That Lonely Homesick Girl
by A Sirius crush on Moony
Summary: Sirius and Lily are both at Hogwarts for christmas. They spend a special moment in the common room, but what about James? Sirius/Lily


**I don't particularly like this pairing at all, but it was for the Marauder challenge and I had to write it, so hopefully it's ok... **

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**That Lonely Homesick Girl  
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I sat by the window, staring out into the night sky with my head pressed against the cold glass. It was sort of a relief from the sheet of sweat that had formed on my head. My injuries were bad, and I couldn't even complain about them without getting sent straight back to the hospital wing - I'd only just managed to bribe Madame Pomfrey to let me out of there.

I knew it was going to be a tough week. A tough month. Well, everything would be tough. I didn't have a family anymore, which was both good and bad. Yeah, I hated them more than anything, but those holidays that I spent at home were the only times I ever got to talk to Regulus. I knew that I probably wouldn't hear from him again.

It had been three days since I ran away. I had had an argument with my father, and was so annoyed that I started destroying anything I could find that was worth anything to him - family heirlooms, antiques, and even his portrait in the hallway. I vandalised the entire house until he completely lost it with me and started hurting me. I hadn't expected it. I knew he was a nasty person, but to hurt your own child? That drew the line. I struggled upstairs with my injuries, packed the bare minimum and left.

And now I was here. Spending the Christmas holidays at Hogwarts. It wasn't so bad, though. I was moving in with James in the summer, which was exciting, and all of my friends had decided to come to Hogwarts to spend time with me.

I sighed, watching as my breath painted the glass and disappeared. An unpleasant jolt in my stomach forced me to get up and sprint to the nearest toilet, where I threw up violently. It was horrible, and I wished all the pain would just go.

I stayed, kneeling over the toilet for a while making sure I wasn't going to be sick again. After a couple of minutes, I headed back upstairs to brush my teeth. I glanced around at my friends, all fast asleep. I wished I could get to sleep, but it was no use. I'd been lying there for three hours without success, and the thought of going back to bed now made me want to throw up again, so I went back downstairs and sat on the sofa, staring into the flickering orange flames in the fire-place.

It was so peaceful, and I almost felt myself falling to sleep when I heard quiet footsteps nearing me. Wondering who it could be, I sat up and turned my head to see her.

Lily Evans. Wearing her night-dress, with a blanket pulled over her to keep her warm. Her red hair was a little ruffled from sleep, and she looked tired, sad. She smiled at me when she saw me and sat down next to me on the sofa.

"You couldn't sleep, either?" she asked, yawning and snuggling up against a cushion on the sofa. I shook my head.

"I didn't know you were at Hogwarts for Christmas. Don't you usually go home?" I asked.

"I usually do," she said, running her fingers through her hair. "But some of my friends had to stay this year... their families are on holiday."

"So you stayed to be with them?"

"They begged me to stay," Lily laughed slightly, although she still seemed a bit sad. "I can't help thinking I should have gone home."

"Why?" I asked. She looked down at her hands.

"They're not safe," she whispered. "My family."

"Not safe? What do you mean?"

"Honestly," she said, rolling her eyes. "Don't you read the paper?"

"Occasionally," I admitted with a sheepish smile.

"Well, if you decided to read the newspaper once in a while, you'd know that Lord Voldemort is out there killing muggle families," Lily said, with a tone of fear in her voice.

"And you think that he'd hurt your family?" I asked quietly, seeing the sadness in her eyes.

"They're defenceless," she said. "At least if I was there, I could... could..."

Her eyes filled with tears, and she looked away. I awkwardly reached over and put my arm around her.

"Hey, Evans," I said. "I'm sure they'll be fine. It's very unlikely this Voldy-Dude will choose your family out of all of them. Don't worry about it."

"It's hard not to," she sobbed. "How would you feel if it was your family?"

I couldn't help but laugh. She didn't know me very well at all. "I'd go find Voldemort myself and personally ask him to kill them."

Her eyes widened and she backed away from me. "You can't mean that!"

"You don't know my family," I answered tonelessly.

"Maybe you don't like them, but what you said is a bit harsh!"

"As I said before, you don't know my family."

"They can't be that bad," Lily said. I smiled and lifted up my shirt to reveal my severely bruised torso. I heard her take a sharp intake of breath. "Oh Merlin," she breathed quietly. "They did that to you?"

"My father," I said. "So I ran away."

"Oh, Sirius," Lily said. "I'm really sorry, I didn't know."

"It's ok," I said.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, both of us lost in our thoughts. It was more comfortable that I would have thought, sitting alone with a girl I'd hardly ever talked to in silence. It made me smile.

"You realise this is one of the first times we haven't argued?" I asked, smirking.

"Don't you jinx it," she said, laughing. "Besides, Potter isn't around to piss me off right now."

"So it's _his_ fault you always yell at me?" I asked, raising my eyebrows at her.

"Everytime I'm alone with you, he turns up," she said slowly. I stared at her in confusion.

"Is that a problem?"

"Well, yes," Lily said, rolling her eyes. "Maybe I don't want him to interrupt all the time."

"Interrupt?" I asked blankly. "Interrupt what?"

"You're thick," Lily said, staring into the flames.

"What? I don't get it..."

She turned and looked at me. Her eyes staring deep into mine as if she was searching for something. "Sirius, I really like you."

_I really like you_, I thought. _As a friend, surely. Nothing more. She's never had any reason to like me any more than a friend... but I wouldn't complain if it was more than a friend. She's hot... fuck, my best friend LOVES her. I can't do this_...

Before I could say anything, her lips were on mine and I was kissing her back. My arms moved up to pull her closer and caress her face, and she wrapped her hands around my neck, shoving her tongue into my mouth. It was amazing.

I let her explore my mouth before I started massaging her tongue with mine and she pressed herself closer to me, letting out a soft moan. I hadn't even noticed I felt like this about her until now, but it was like it had just hit me hard and now nothing could stop me.

When neither of us could breath, we had to break apart, panting heavily. She grinned at me and leaned forwards, resting her head on my chest. I reached my hand up, running my fingers through her soft hair.

"I like you too," I said finally, and we both laughed.

"Thank you, Sirius," Lily said, staring up at me. "You've cheered me up."

"You've cheered me up, too," I said, smiling and leaning down to kiss her forehead. After a while, she spoke up again.

"So, would you say we're together?" she asked quietly. I grimaced.

"I want you to be my girlfriend, I _really _do," I said, feeling torn.

"But?" Lily asked.

"But my best friend adores you. He's liked you since first year, and I can't do this to him."

"But-"

"Lily, it's already hard enough for me to do this without you protesting as well," I said, looking away. "Please just understand that he's my friend, and friends come first..."

"That's not fair at all!" She said, sitting up angrily. "I don't even _like_ Potter!"

"Well, I'm sorry but that's the way it is," I said, feeling terrible. I stood up and headed to the stairs leading up the the boys dormitories. "Goodnight, Lily."

My heart felt as though it had sank deep down in my chest as I made my way upstairs.

That was it. I'd left her.

Alone. Homesick. Lonely.

I hated myself.

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End file.
